'cause time is short and life is cruel - but it's up to us to change...

i remember the old days, when i was in the 8th grade, thinking that on the following year i wouldn't be in the same school i had been for 10 long years. that place - the place where i started reading and writing, that unreal childish world with no worries about the future, that tiny little bubble where everyone knew everyone by their names. i had no choice, my time there was running out and i just couldn't imagine myself on another school, with new friends, teachers - a new life. that school was just a block from my house; i still can see it from my window - that white and blue building, surrounded by trees

... a couple of months later and there i was. that huge new school. i could swear i wasn't in my country. where did all those oriental people came from? no prejudice! i mean, that was a big shock for me. a different country inside Brazil?!then the classes started: "what, 26 teachers? daily tests? 50 students in the same class? how will the teachers know all of us by our names?". It wasn't easy to get used to that routine: to get some low marks for the first time of my life and stop going to the club everyday (i end up not going there anymore. because of school? i would say it was 60% its fault). thank God i wasn't alone. the majority of the students had just joined the new school. some weeks after the 1st day and someone went to my class to talk about a summer exchange program in the uk (the place i've ever wanted to visit). it would be like a dream - something very distant from my reality and there i was, after counting those 100 long days before the trip of my life. apart from my adaptation i didn't had lots of problems there, and so the 1st year had finished.

my second year in the ''new'' school was probably the most difficult, i would say. not just about the subjects and tests. for some reason (actually loads of) i wanted to get out from that place. move to a new school, do an exchange program - forget that crazy robot routine. the more i got mad about that school.. the more i got away from people. i had never felt alone before in a crowded room, those lonely breaks where my ipod would be my best and only friend. this is the time that i want to forget, luckily i don't have lots of details, and thank God that by the end of the year i changed my mind and decided to try, for the last time to stay there and change the situation. the last semester of 2008 was one of my favorites, especially the last bimester. that summer atmosphere, the final tests, new people in the class (i forgot to mention that each bimester we would be in different classes, according to our marks).

a long summer till my last year in high school. our grade got bigger than ever. morning + afternoon classes together, 600 people. too many changes for just 1 year. all the big vestibulares changing and getting closer, the swine flu craziness, the feeling of leaving school forever, graduation trip (i didn't go), prom. then we got our afternoons fulfilled with more and more classes, new teachers, compositions, 9 boring books to read and now 2 tests on the same day. for some reason i got back to the 8^th grade. to that feeling of losing something. my “new” school. somehow now i don’t hate it that much. i can even stay the whole week having classes all day long without complaining and the best – not getting sad, which is a huge progress. i know i still didn’t get that status i wanted to. have enough real friends and share memories in the future, as i do now about my ex school. 4 months left till the end and i already know i’m gonna miss like hell that confusing building, those weird people, the teachers that still don’t know my name, the lunchtime at Subway or Black Dog… i know it’s not over yet, and i DO want to remember this school time. i've been thinking about that this past weeks and since then i've made some crazy decisions i wouldn't do some months before. 4 months till the end of my school history and i'm sure i'll have the best time i could have, even with all the tests and subjects. it's time to wake up from that ''american high school dream''. for the first time of my life i have NO idea what's going to be the next year. maybe i'm going to college, maybe not. or maybe i'll have to study even more. i'm sure i'll always remember 2009 as a good year, getting better each day; and since august is not over yet, i still got time to make things right.